


per my last email, you're an asshole

by koemi



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Newspaper AU, the gang's all here, the whole fic is written in emails
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koemi/pseuds/koemi
Summary: (Andrew to Kevin):Kevin Day,I’ve noticed you frequently using your company email account for personal use. I remind you that this is against the company policy. We also discourage dealing with personal issues during work hours.Thanks,Andrew MinyardColumnistColumbia Chronicle(803)-415-8876 ext. 0310(Kevin to Andrew):Bitch.—In which the gang works at the local newspaper and communicates via passive aggressive corporate email. Neil is their newest reporter, Nicky is a walking HR violation, and Kevin wishes that Matt would stop reviewing sports movies.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 11
Kudos: 98





	per my last email, you're an asshole

**From:** Andrew Minyard

 **To:** Renee Walker

**Sent:** Wed, 07/14/2003 3:19 PM

**Subject:** 07/15 column copy for edit

Ta da. 

_1 Attachment, click to open._

**< <Renee to Andrew>>**

Hello, Andrew. 

The column looks great! It’s very heartfelt today, which you know are always my favourites. I had a few corrections, so I’m attaching the edited copy which I’ve also sent along to Wymack for a final look before publishing. 

Sincerely, 

Renee

_1 Attachment, click to open._

_—_

**From:** Allison Reynolds

 **To:** Dan Wilds

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 9:06 AM

**Subject:** I broke up with Seth. 

I feel like garbage. We’d better be drinking tonight. 

**< <Dan to Allison>> **

God, yes. 

(Sorry about Seth, but you know I never really liked him. And I know that you did, so again—sorry.) 

**< <Allison to Dan>> **

There is a new cute reporter and I’m in need of a rebound. 

Please get the appropriate paperwork ready. 

**< <Dan to Allison>>**

1\. I don’t work for HR. 

2\. This seems like a bad idea. 

**< <Allison to Dan>>**

I have never been let down in a more gentle, awkward way. I take it back, I can’t sleep with him. I’m going to have to adopt him. 

Please get the appropriate paperwork ready. 

**< <Dan to Allison>> **

Sigh.

— 

**From:** Kevin Day

 **To:** Matt Boyd

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 12:34 PM

**Subject:** The Foxhole Court Review

Matt, 

I can’t believe you gave _The Foxhole Court_ five stars. It’s a terrible movie that focusses far too heavily on the players’ personal lives. There’s almost no actual exy gameplay. And as I’m sure you’re aware, what little exy there is is highly inaccurate. The strategy the team uses to win would never actually work, not to mention that the mob subplot suggests terrible things about the sport in general. 

You barely mention these inaccuracies in your review. The entire movie is wildly unbelievable and I strongly disagree with you calling it “the ultimate sports movie.” 

Regards,

Kevin Day 

Senior Sports Reporter

Columbia Chronicle

(803)-415-8876 ext. 2220

**< <Matt to Kevin>> **

Sorry Kevin Day, Senior Sports Reporter. 

I already sent it down to Wymack, so no take backs at this point. Besides, I love a good underdog story. 

**< <Kevin to Matt>> **

You’re a sentimental fool with no taste. 

**< <Matt to Kevin>>**

Love you too, buddy. 

— 

**From:** Matt Boyd

 **To:** Allison Reynolds

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 1:47 PM

**Subject:** How so very dare you

I can’t believe you gave Kevin a copy of my review. He cornered me in the bathroom after lunch to “discuss it further.” I thought I was going to die listening to Stevens shit in the stall while Kevin Day tried to explain to me why the rebounds in the movie aren’t technically within the rules. 

(Don’t bullshit me, Renee snitched on you.) 

**< <Allison to Matt>> **

That was definitely me. I needed a laugh. 

Sorry, babe. 

**< <Matt to Allison>>**

I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. 

**< <Allison to Matt>>**

Oops. Rest in Piece. 

**< <Matt to Allison>>**

Peace.

**< <Allison to Matt>>**

Yeah, that one. 

**< <Matt to Allison>>**

:( 

— 

**From:** Nicky Hemmick

 **To:** Aaron Minyard

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 1:48 PM

**Subject:** The future Mrs. Minyard

Fear not, fair cousin. I got you a date for this weekend. 

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

No thanks. 

**< <Nicky to Aaron>>**

D: But she’s super cute and I’m 85% sure she’s employed. 

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

Can’t you bug Andrew about this shit? (Also, 85%?)

**< <Nicky to Aaron>>**

I cannot. Unless I want to lose a finger, or an arm. (She’s the cousin of friend of a friend.) 

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

A lifestyle change might be good for you. 

**< <Nicky to Aaron>>**

ARE YOU REFERENCING THE FORCIBLE REMOVAL OF MY LIMBS AS A “LIFESTYLE CHANGE????”

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

Stop goofing off, Wymack can read all the emails sent between employees. 

**< <Nicky to Aaron>>**

Wymack can’t even access his own email. He has IT reset his password like every single day. 

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

Regardless, I’m not going on your stupid date.

**< <Nicky to Aaron>>**

She could be perfect for you and you’ll never know. 

**< <Aaron to Nicky>>**

I think I’ll take my chances.

—

**From:** Matt Boyd

 **To:** Dan Wilds

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 2:13 PM

**Subject:** Kevin has friends? 

Um. 

So you know how I’ve been taking the leftover stationery out of the spare desk next to Kevin’s to avoid having to confront Marge about the amount of pens that I misplace on a daily basis? 

**< <Dan to Matt>> **

You’re a mess. I love you. 

(Also what does that have to do with Kevin having friends?) 

**< <Matt to Dan>>**

It took me ages to write this all out, I hope you appreciate it. Don’t tell Wymack, he walked by and seemed really excited that I was so immersed in my work. 

So, I went up there today and there was a person sitting at the desk next to Kevin’s. Which, now that I think about it, is a really nice desk? Like, it’s right below a window—that faces the parking lot, but still. 

My brain died a little bit so I didn’t get like any information. I couldn’t even get his name. I know this is going to make you angry because you have Reporter Skills. But I’m a humble movie reviewer and he was super cute. I always get flustered around the cute ones. (I love you so much and want to be married to you until I crumble into ash, but this boy is ridiculous). 

So, there I am trying to explain to this ethereal little elf man that I’ve been taking pens out of this spare desk for months because no one wants to sit next to Kevin because he’s a monster to work with. Note: I have started to visibly sweat. 

Cute Boy (hereby referred to as CB) just kind of nods and smiles because he’s clearly uncomfortable with the amount of liquid that my body is producing. The rest of the conversation, which I might’ve dreamed, goes as follows. 

Me: “Are you, um, new? Like, are you a reporter? As well? Me. I’m a reporter. I do movies?” 

CB: “Oh, yeah.” 

Me: “Cool. Cool. Sports?” 

CB: “Yeah, I’m a big fan of exy.” 

Me: “Like the Foxhole Court.” (NOTE: THIS WAS AN ERROR)

CB: _No longer smiling, has begun to frown._ “I guess. I mean, it wasn’t a very accurate portrayal of the sport, but some people liked it apparently.” 

Me: “Right.” _Pause._ “You and Kevin must get along then.” 

CB: “Yeah, we’re friends from college. We were roommates. Kevin was having trouble finding a writer for this position so he asked me if I wanted to do it. I used to work from home before this. But I like sports and I like Kevin, so…” 

Me: “Oh, that’s super cool—” 

Kevin: “What are you doing here? Leave.” 

Me: “Hello, Kevin.” 

Kevin: “Hello?” 

Me: _to CB_ “It was nice to meet you—” 

Kevin: “Oh my god.” 

And then Kevin bodily removed me from their little corner desk area. Which I guess we can’t really call Castle Kevin anymore. 

**< <Dan to Matt>>**

Your interviewing could use a little work, but you got more information than Allison did this morning. 

**< <Matt to Dan>>**

????

**< <Dan to Matt>>**

Allison asked him out this morning—also as much as I love this, I’m on my way to a meeting right now. I’ll see you at 5? I was thinking we could get takeout from that curry place on Palmer? 

**< <Matt to Dan>>**

YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT. 

I’M DIVORCING YOU. 

**< <Matt to Dan>>**

I love you. Curry sounds great.

— 

**From:** Neil Josten

 **To:** Renee Walker

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 3:24 PM

**Subject:** 7/16 article for edit 

Hi Renee, 

Here’s the write up for page C4. Kevin said that the length was good and I should send it to you for copy edits. 

Thanks,

Neil Josten

_1 Attachment, click to open._

**< <Renee to Neil>>**

Neil,

I’m sending back a copy so you know the edits that I made, but other than those it looks good, so I’ve sent it ahead to David Wymack. David likes to read everything before it goes into print. 

I know it’s not really my place to say, but this is really good! I’m excited to read your writing in the future. Welcome to the team. I hope you had a good first day. 

Sincerely,

Renee

_1 Attachment, click to open_

_—_

**From:** Allison Reynolds

 **To:** Kevin Day

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 3:56 PM

**Subject:** New desk buddy

Who’s your friend? He’s cute.

**< <Allison to Kevin>> **

I can see you replying to other emails, asshole. Either stop hitting reply all or answer me.

**< <Allison to Kevin>> **

Per my last email, you’re an asshole.

**< <Kevin to Allison>>**

His name is Neil. He’s very talented and very good at not using his work email for personal messages. 

Regards,

Kevin Day 

Senior Sports Reporter

Columbia Chronicle

(803)-415-8876 ext. 2220

—

**From:** Allison Reynolds

 **To:** Matt Boyd

**Sent:** Thur, 07/15/2003 4:47 PM

**Subject:** Cute Boy

Your new crush’s name is Neil. 

You’re welcome. 

**< <Matt to Allison>> **

I love you. 

**< <Allison to Matt>> **

As you should. 

—

**From:** Kevin Day

 **To:** Andrew Minyard

**Sent:** Fri, 07/16/2003 7:47 AM

**Subject:** Neil

Does he like the job so far? 

Regards,

Kevin Day 

Senior Sports Reporter

Columbia Chronicle

(803)-415-8876 ext. 2220

**< <Andrew to Kevin>>**

Kevin Day, 

I’ve noticed you frequently using your company email account for personal use. I remind you that this is against the company policy. We also discourage dealing with personal issues during work hours. 

Thanks,

Andrew Minyard 

Columnist 

Columbia Chronicle

(803)-415-8876 ext. 0310

**< <Kevin to Andrew>>**

Bitch. 

**< <Andrew to Kevin>>**

He likes the window above his desk. He can’t find any pens. 

**< <Kevin to Andrew>> **

I’ll get him some. 

**< <Andrew to Kevin>>**

Good. 

**< <Kevin to Andrew>> **

I liked your column today. 

**< <Andrew to Kevin>>**

I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t actually work here. I hacked into the system to make right my own personal vendetta. 

**< <Kevin to Andrew>> **

I hate you sometimes. 

**< <Andrew to Kevin>>**

Stop flirting with me, I don’t want to have to report you to HR.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly just me goofing and trying to make myself laugh, but I'll probably add something of substance in the later chapters. (She said, with more confidence than she felt.)  
> The formatting of the emails is borrowed from Attachments by Rainbow Rowell  
> For clarity, I do love Kevin. It's just too fun to write him as a bit of an asshole.


End file.
